People with herpes should wear stickers.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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