now i know why i became what i already was.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
