one word: firstdatebathroomanal
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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