Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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