i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
