I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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