with your own penis?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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