He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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