Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
