I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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