this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
