i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
