he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
