considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize