You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
