I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
