I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
