i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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