I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
