dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
