so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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