hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize