Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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