at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
