i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
try to milk me bitch
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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