DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
