i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
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