i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
