I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
