wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
