I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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