pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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