After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize