sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
