Me. At least after what I've been through.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
