they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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