just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
