I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You are a genius and a whore.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
