just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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