That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
