the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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