Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
