the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize