I can't watch pbs sober anymore
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
