So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
