and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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