adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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