took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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