Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
