I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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