Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize