i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
