Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
