I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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