"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
