matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
