i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I need moral support for this bender
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
