You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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