I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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