Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
