I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
