I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
