I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
