Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
