It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
