i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Randomize
