if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
