If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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