anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
