You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
