so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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