Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I think pants incapable of making pants work
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
