I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
