theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
