I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
