but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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