Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
