you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
