Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
