Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
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