discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
