I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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