You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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