Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
