Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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