my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
